More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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