TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I can't put those talents on a resume
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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