i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
