I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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