I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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