He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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