I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
