I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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