god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
