I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
