how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize