thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize