I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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