i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
