I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
