i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize