Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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