I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
