I just pynch a tree in the face
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
