your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
