I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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