Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
