At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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