Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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