he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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