I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
