Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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