quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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