I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
