Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize