It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
