There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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