; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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