This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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