I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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