At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
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