I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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