I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
