Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
