your room smells of hookers.
And success
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
