so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
