69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
