More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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