Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
