They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
