his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
