And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
