I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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