then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
