You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
