i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
