did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dicks are not precious.
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