And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
