At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So much rum. So many feels.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
