his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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