I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
