"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
