I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
