My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
