What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
