i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
