I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
