I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You can't just leave with hair like that
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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