pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
This girl is more easily done than said...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
